I am sorry..

"I know I haven't been an easy child,
But love for you lies underneath my whims;
There is no way I could be tame or mild:
I need sometimes to shout and wave my limbs.
You're the wall I need to test my height,
The countervailing force to test my strength,
The chain I hammer at with all my might,
Even though you have increased its length.
It's tough, I know, to be both Mom and Dad,
To raise me all alone, just hit or miss;
To have to play at once good cop and bad,
And give me grief before my goodnight kiss.
But love against the odds is stronger still:
I need your fierce, proud love, and always will...

***

If I could give my mom the world
Or anything she wanted,
I'd give her my own heart and soul
And leave my own heart haunted.

I'd take upon myself her life
With all its strife and pain,
And let her ease into some space
Where she could live again.

The pain for me would not be pain,
At least not for a while;
For I'd be doing it for her,
And I would see her smile..

I wish that I could take her heart
And cleanse it with my tears,
And make her sorrow go away,
And answer all her fears.

I wish, I wish, but then I can't,
As I watch helplessly,
And take her in my arms and say
I wish that it were me...

But loving is a hard, hard way,
With all the pain it brings.
And yet there is no other way
To touch the heart of things..

***

Life is not a game to win or lose:
For that the pain on both sides is too real.
It therefore is my place to make a place
Within my heart for one who lives in yours.
There is no way to do this but with grace,
For one must be at home with open doors.
Please forgive the failure of my love..."